What will it be like, getting off that plane and meeting my team face to face for the first time in the Atlanta airport?

What will it be like, to pray, worship, laugh, and cry with them?

What will it be like setting foot in Africa for the first time?

What will it be like to hold a child diagnosed with AIDS on my lap?

How will you use me?

What will you show me? What will I learn?

How will four weeks change me?

How many stars will light up the sky on a clear night?

Will I end up homesick? Or will I never want to leave?

Will it be everything I've dreamed... or will it be more?





In 143 days... I'll start getting some answers :)



-Emily

"Faith is a knowledge within the heart, beyond the reach of proof."


I love post secret. Every Sunday afternoon, I go to their blog page and check out the new posts for the week. Some are hopeful, others funny, others artistic, some inappropriate, some sad, and some that you may find yourself relating to. Well anyway, here's one I found this week.


Man, I wish this could be my secret. But regarding my relationship with God, my secret (well not necessarily SECRET, but it's not something I would shout out proudly in a crowded room...) is that I doubt. A lot. I doubt his power, I doubt his love, I doubt my salvation, and yeah, even at times I find myself doubting his existence.

Have you ever read Exodus? I don't know, but if you're anything like me, the Israelites always made me mad. I mean... God showed up for them so many times. He turned the Nile into blood, sent frogs raining from the sky, swarmed Egypt with gnats, flies, and locusts, and caused the Egyptians to be covered in boils and for their livestock to die. He led the Israelites out of Egypt and lit their path with a pillar of fire. He parted the sea and crashed it down onto their enemies. He made water flow out of a rock and bread to fall from the sky. And yet, after everything, their impatience built up so they decided to worship a golden calf.

I never understood it. They're so stupid! How could they possibly have a doubt in their mind after all of that?! How could they even try to replace him?

But you know what I've realized? I'm just like them. How many times has he provided for me? Let me feel his prescence? Answered my prayers? Filled my heart up with so much joy and love that I almost burst? How could I have a doubt in my mind? And how could I try to replace him, with a relationship, with money, with any human success? I kind of have to laugh at myself... the stupid Israelite :)

It's hard when God is silent. I don't understand why he is right now for me, but it won't last forever. I trust his timing. I know I'm not the only one who feels or has felt this way. But for now, I will remember the times he led the way with a pillar of fire, have hope, and have faith. :)



-Emily

Today my school made national news.

Today a principal and vice principal at my school were shot.

Today my vice principal died of her casualties.

Today I felt upset.

Today I felt sick.

Today I was scared.

Today was a wake up call.

Today was a nightmare.

Today was stressful, today was unexpected.

Today made us realize what we don't want to.

Today I will not forget. Sitting and waiting in my classroom for two hours; watching the news. I can't forget walking out of Millard South over to the church parking lot. Looking out over that sea of faces. Classmates. Parents. Police. The eerie silence and the chilly winter air. I think everyone got a rude awakening today.

Today I learned never to take anything for granted. Today I know that I have to realize my life can be puffed out in an instant. There's no time for hate, arguments, grudges, and hoarding past hurts. Why do it? It's no help to you. It only eats you up inside.

Anything can happen, and life is short. So don't spend it in apathy, don't spend it feeling bad for yourself, gosh dangit, just don't waste it. It's beautiful and precious and you have a purpose. Enjoy it!!! Don't spend a day where you're not just grateful and happy to be alive. Don't sit around and wait for something like this to happen to wake you up. Take control of what you can- situations aside- and be the person you've always wanted to be. Life WILL throw you swerves. But you decide your actions. Remember today and let it inspire you. Live the life you're meant to.

"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." -Jesus



-Emily

Recently I came across a devotional I had read in the past. Even though I had already read it, I read it again because it just hits home every time and I love how it portrays God's passion for us. I wanted to share it with all of you and I hope that you would take the time to read it- it is worth it.

SMUDGED-
"That girl’s song resounds in my head and as always I find that it is a reflection of how I feel in my heart. ‘Broken up deep inside. You won’t get to see the tears I cried.’ God I feel so – so torn. So absolutely, positively torn. I don’t know why You put me in his life but I know You did and I see it serving its purpose each day.

It hurts God. It hurts to see him pursue another, more pretty. I don’t even envy her. I know You made me beautiful and wonderful and very unique. I don’t know. I guess it hurts that no one sees that. That I am seeing it in myself, but nobody else does, or if they do then, well, they’re girls.

It hurts Father to see him pursue another when I feel as though I was the one who was there. But I always chose to make myself not seen. I worked in mysterious ways, moving the hearts of others to go talk to him when he was hurting. I didn’t care that he didn’t turn to me, though it hurt. What mattered more was that he hurt. And I was going to do whatever it took to get him to feel better. So if he wouldn’t talk to me then he’d talk to another. And he’d feel better and draw closer to that girl until he realized that she wasn’t the right fit. So he turned to another.

And there he is, pursuing girl after girl when he doesn’t realize that I can fit his need. That I have been the eye that saw him, that cared for him. That brought him to you in my intercession. Ever-interceding on his behalf. ‘Father, he just can’t see right now. He hasn’t totally rejected me yet, Father. Give him one more chance. He’s made the mistake to see me as just a casual friend but not as we are meant to be. I yearn for that deeper relationship, sure. But if all he sees me as is just a smudge, a faint reminder, then at least I’m present. At least I’m noticed.’ But I yearn for more.

And now I see how You feel. I get, Jesus, what You mean. Jesus, I know it hurts to see me pursue another when You were the One who was there. But You always chose to make Yourself not seen. You worked in mysterious ways, moving the hearts of others to go and talk to me when I was hurting. You didn’t care that I didn’t turn to You, though it hurt. What mattered more was that I hurt. And You were going to do whatever it took to get me to feel better. So if I wouldn’t talk to You, I’d talk to another. And I’d feel better and draw closer to that person until I realized he wasn’t the right fit. So I’d turned to another.

And here I am pursuing person after person when I don’t realize that only You can fit my need. That you have been the eye that saw me and cared for me. That You, Jesus, brought me to the Father in Your intercession. Ever-interceding on my behalf. ‘ “Father, she just doesn’t see Me right now. She hasn’t totally rejected Me yet, Father. Give her one more chance. She’s made the mistake of seeing Me just as a casual friend, but not as we were meant to be. I yearn for that deeper relationship, sure. But if all she sees Me as is just a smudge, a faint reminder, then at least I’m present. At least I’m noticed.” But I yearn for more.’

So what do I do Father? What choice do I make? Do I continue to smudge You, make You less and less distinct until You are so faded that I forget You’re there? Or do I choose to write a new chapter, this time in pen. And not blur the promise I’m making with You but keep it distinct, intact, TRUE! The choice is mine to make. I alone can make it. But should I do so, I will not be alone – no, I will never be alone.”

-Alisha Philip

I am not perfect. I have rejected him more times than I have accepted him. I've ignored him for weeks at a time. I've chosen others over him. I've ran to others first. I've stood by while people talk down on him and never said a word. I've searched for what I can only find in him in people who could never come close. I've let him down. The ways I have hurt him are endless. And guess what? At some point, I will do ALL of these things again.

But no matter the cost, the pain I cause him, his feelings for me don't change. His love IS enough to fill my need.



-Emily